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What is Domestic Abuse?

Types of Domestic Abuse

The Cycle of Abuse

Profile of the abuser

Risk Assessment

 

WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE? 

Domestic Abuse is the emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse of a person within a close or intimate adult relationship.

Domestic abuse also includes social isolation, ridicule, intimidation, manipulation, financial control and deprivation.

Domestic abuse is not confined to marriage, but may occur in any type of close adult relationship including other partnerships, families or households.

Domestic abuse is a crime, which occurs in every class, income level, culture and educational background.

Domestic violence is a pattern of power and control by one person against another, be it a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, husband, wife or family members, it includes five types of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, social, sexual and economic.

Domestic abuse occurs in families from every financial, religious, cultural, and educational background. Usually when the abuse starts, it gets worse as time goes on. It’s rarely a once off event. There may be good times in the relationship, but tension builds up again and the abuse returns. The abuser may say that they are sorry and promise to change, but the promise is broken again and again. If the abuser accepts that they are doing something wrong, and they take action to change, there is a chance that the abuser may change their abusive behaviour. While this is possible, it does not happen very often.

It is important to be aware that men can also be victimised in this way.

 

 

TYPES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Abusers will display similar behaviours these tend to escalate in frequency and severity over time. The following are some of the tactics used by perpetrators

• Pushing, pinching, squeezing, kicking, slapping, choking, punching, cutting, tripping, burning, and pulling hair.

• Holding you down
• Threatening you with a weapon.
• Throwing objects at you.
• Refusing to help you when you are sick, injured or pregnant.

• Blaming or accusing you.
• Shouting at you.
• Saying hurtful things to upset you.
• Forcing you to listen.
• Manipulating you with lies.
• Abusing pets or children.
• Destroying important belongings.
• Giving you the “silent treatment”.
• Isolating you from the outside world.
• When you try to explain, or give your side during an argument, your partner may shout, “don’t talk hack to me”. It feels as though he / she is the boss.
• Drives dangerously or aggressively to intimidate or frighten you

 

·     Sexual name-calling.

• Forcing you to dress or perform in a sexual way that you find unpleasant.
• Forcing pregnancy.
• Being exposed to pornographic material against your will
• Rape or sexual assault
• People who behave like this are called abusers. 

 

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

The Tension Building Phase is characterised by

·         Walking on eggshells

·         Criticism

“I am trying to do everything right but my partner keeps getting mad at me.” 

Abusive Incident Phase is characterised by

·         The big fight

·         The explosion

·         The break-up

·         The violence

“ My partner’s totally crazy he has just exploded” 

Conflict Resolution Phase is characterised by

·         Apology and explanations

·         Shared feelings

·         Excuses and denial

·         Spelling out the rules

·         Forcing the victim to admit that she or he was partially to blame.

 

“ My partner was under a lot of stress, and it didn’t help that I was talking to someone else. She is just a little insecure. We worked it all out.”

 

Honeymoon Phase is characterised by

·         Falling in love again

·         Getting back together

·         Passion

 

“We were meant for each other. My partner loves me very much.”

 

PROFILE OF AN ABUSER 

·         Low self-esteem.

·         Trouble trusting others, particularly you.

·         Jealous and possessive.

·         Controlling.

·       May come from a family where there was violence, but will usually deny this.

·         Mood swings or explosive temper.

·         Aggressive, dangerous driving.

·         Isolate their victim.

·         Emotionally and verbally abusive.

·         Uses denial.

·         Tends to blame others.

·         In a fight, they will blame outside stressors.

·         Possible alcohol or drug user.

·         Playful wrestling or teasing that hurts or is not funny.

·         General negative and aggressive attitude.

 

RISK ASSESSMENT

It is important to identify the level of risk you may be exposed to in a relationship with the emphasis on identification before violence occurs.

• Has your partner become so jealous that you could describe him or her as paranoid?
• Do you often find yourself trying to convince them that you did nothing wrong?
• Have they ever kept you somewhere against your will (car or house)?
• Have they ever repeatedly commanded you to “tell the truth” even when you were not lying?
• Do they say they will die if you leave them or cannot live without you?
• Have they ever talked about killing themselves?
• Have they ever threatened to kill you?
• Have they forced you to have sex when you (did not want to)
• Do you have to justify your actions, activities, and time with your friends?
• Do you want to break up sometimes but feel afraid of what this person might do?

 

 

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